How many times have you heard someone getting upset because someone wasn’t able to “be there” for them or they “betrayed their trust”? It happens ALL the time! So, what can you do to prevent this? You need to learn what you can share and with who.
Quite often people believe they can share intimate things or trust people with their emotions because they’ve known them for a long time or they’re family. These things have nothing to do with being able to trust someone. You build trust by sharing small things and paying attention to how people react and what they do with the information. You can also learn a lot by how people treat others. If your friend is telling you someone else’s secrets, they are showing you by their actions that they are incapable of being trusted…believe them!
Just because you were there for someone, doesn’t mean they are capable of being there for you. Some people are simply incapable of being there for someone emotionally. It could be where they are in their life at the moment or they just might not be able to do it. If you pay attention, you’ll figure out who will be there when you need them and who won’t.
Sometimes friends that are great to go out and have a good time with are not necessarily the ones that are good in difficult times. Again, pay attention and you’ll see who can handle talking about deep things and being compassionate and who will just say to get over it or let’s go have a drink, or you don’t need them anyway. If people stay on the surface of things and never go deeper, don’t depend on them to be there in a deep, meaningful way.
Lastly, don’t keep score! If you are there for someone else, that means you’re capable of being there for people. It doesn’t mean that they are capable of it. Be there because you want to, not because you expect it back from them. Be honest with yourself, if you’re upset because you were there for them and they weren’t there for you…you’re keeping score. You were giving conditionally and you weren’t even courteous enough to let the other person know what the conditions of your giving were so they could make an informed decision. When you give unconditionally, people don’t “owe” you. So live consciously, pay attention and choose the right people to trust the important things with!